September Update

I know it has been a while since I have written and I cannot believe how much positive support I have received.   Thank you for all of the wonderful positive thoughts, I really appreciate it.   

I had started this so I can get into a more positive place as I go through, what I hope to is, the final step to getting a baby.   

I had planned for this to be an overview of all I had gone through, step by step.  I started it that way but going through it all again was not painful, but not where I want to focus my energy on.   If I wanted only to help others, I could continue with all the gory details but this is for me and I hope for those that are close to it provides understanding since sometimes I just don't want to or can't talk about it. 

I got so much relief internally from writing this blog I decided to start again.  Not surprisingly because I just took another hit, I feel, on my journey.

I started this in May after my 9th or 10th surgery total and my second in six months.   It went amazing.   I recovered well and all of my endometriosis was once again removed.  Fortunately there was not much since I just had another surgery.  Also, this was the ONLY surgery that took less time than originally predicted :) :)    I cannot tell you how nice that was.  Soon after, we started all of the grueling testing (they seemed never ending).   

3 months ago I did a follicle test and blood work to check my AMH, FSH and follicle counts.     They were as follows:

1. Follicle count 8   
1. this is excellent as a good Invitro patient has 5 - 10 with two ovaries, since I only have one this was hopeful
2. FSH - 14
1. Good is 1 - 4   Mediocre is 4 - 12   Bad is 12+
2. 2.5 years ago, my FSH was at 19 so again, while this is the bad end, again we have hope because it was lower
3. AMH - below all measurable counts
1. I think good is 1.25, clearly this was the worst but we have hope because the others were so good.

With all of the levels where they were at and that I have 8 follicles, we decided to try 'hormones' to see what sort of improvement we would get.    The 'hormones' are really just vitamins but concentrated and specific for my needs.   I had to have a pharmacist create DHEA for me which is thought to be an anti-aging miracle that would help preserve my follicle and egg health and potentially help any egg quality issues I may have.      Introsol and CoQ10 were the other  but double and triple normal dosage.    

These did not really cause me any problems unless I took the morning doses all together.  With them all together I had no brain function, wanted to sleep and was generally cranky.    I quickly found a good solution and took one at a time so it felt some days like I was a pill popper...

I kept in touch with our Invitro counselor and we figured that the implantation would be November 22nd - November 28th.   All we had to do was check to see the progress the 'hormones' made. 

I had that appointment yesterday and got the results today.  They are as follows:

1. Follicle count - 2
2. FSH - 27
3. AMH - below all measurable counts

WHAT THE HELL.  So, what does this mean, well we are really not sure since right now we don't know what next steps are.  All we really know right now is that we obviously are not able to use my eggs and all of the time, energy, hope and money we spent over the last few months was a complete waste.

I honestly cannot tell you why I am so upset at this but I was REALLY upset.   To make things worse, I was at work when I got the call with all the results and since I was not expecting them for a week, it pretty much ruined my day.   So sorry to my coworker who had the nerve to be decent and ask me how I was.   Apparently that was enough to get the tears rolling and I was so embarrassed.  Sorry JC.    

Anyway, the next steps are to go back to the doctor and figure out why in the world the levels were so much worse this time and in the case of AMH, not improved at all.      Thanks for letting me get this off my chest.               I'll write more when I am not in such a blue mood.       Please send happy thoughts my way.       I realize that I am so so lucky and I am so appreciative for everything that I have, I don't mean to sound cranky, I am just frustrated, and broken apparently.