Hey There, I know it has been a while and I have been receiving a lot of messages and well wishes from people who know everything that is going on and those that only know pieces so I figured it is time for a fowl swoop update. Not that I mind, but it is also easier this way then going through everything that has happened since our miscarriage in March.
Since then, we tried IVF again, unsuccessfully. After lots of painful testing, procedures and hoping beyond hope, I will not be able to carry a baby. We don't exactly know why, and have no more embryos left anyway from our donor so we are excited to start the adoption process. Since I can't carry, we scheduled a hysterectomy for December. My body, misbehaving like it does, decided that December was too far away and we ended up needing to get it done on November 22nd. For those of you good at math, (and IVF pregnancies) that is the same week that our baby would have been due. I swear, somewhere there is a funny story in that but I have not been able to find it yet.
We (mainly me) need some time to recover though so 2014 will be spent investigating agencies, saving and having fun. The last few years have been pretty stressful as you can imagine so we just want to enjoy ourselves and be ready physically, emotionally and financially for a baby. I am really looking forward to 2014. I'll be going back to work January 3rd, our Bronco's are doing great and I have the most amazing group of friends and family who have been helping me through this.
Adoption is actually exciting to think about and I know John and I will be great candidates (well, I think so anyway ;)) It is a great feeling to think we could be chosen by someone because they think we will do a good job. Having a stranger trust us that much, is not a gift we take lightly. Perhaps we had to go through this special hell, that only other IF's can relate too, so we can be that much more appreciative of our baby when it does come. While I may have come to terms physically that I can't carry a baby, it still hurts so I am thankful to have time off, especially during the holidays, to mentally come to terms with it. I actually think I am doing okay, although, call me on the wrong day and I could spend 20 minutes complaining about how people without children clearly have no space in the commercial world. Just turn on daytime TV, which I have decidedly stopped watching. Except for Ellen, she is amazing!
I still want to hear what is going on with your children and enjoy hearing about the latest shenanigans so don't keep me in the dark, however, you will have to forgive me if I roll my eyes while you complain about your pregnancy/kids/etc. Hopefully within the next couple years, I will be the one wearing you out with pictures and every one of you will need to remind me of this post when I complain about how tired I am and how hard being a parent is. Much love to you all, have a wonderful Holiday!
Cheers, Mary Beth
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